Five Things We Learned Before Saying "I Do"
Marriage Foundations – Entry #1
June is almost here, spring is in full swing, and the summer wedding season is upon us! This August, we will be celebrating three years of marriage (still young in the game… and definitely have much to learn… but how beautiful it has been to experience our love blossoming more over time!). We recently spent some time reflecting on our time of engagement (how we were and the lessons we learned), specifically related to the wedding-planning process. It seems as though many engagement experiences are portrayed as being stressful, overwhelming and confusing; however, we are here to share that:
Stress does not have to be your reality.
As beautiful and glorious as preparations for a marriage ceremony can be, it can be easy to get caught up in planning for “the big day” and lose sight of what’s truly of value.
With that in mind, we wanted to share a few tips that we learned from the proposal to walking down the aisle (fully knowing you don’t have to have a large ceremony to join as one before The Lord). Whether you are getting ready to “tie the knot” or are currently single, we hope these insights will provide a sense of clarity, comfort, and peace of mind. Even if you’re already married, feel free to pass this along to someone you may know that would benefit!
1. Protect your peace: It’s so important to speak openly and honestly with your significant other about your expectations, goals, and dreams for the big day and beyond. In doing this, continue to guard your heart and your relationship as the expectations of others (especially family) often come into play. Remember your foundation and create realistic boundaries to say “no” when needed. Everyone has an opinion; however, be wise in what you choose to receive. This is good practice for when you are married, as people may often try to pull you in different directions that benefit them and not your union.
2. Seize each day: It’s easy to treat the engagement period as if it was a waiting room. Instead of trying to pass the time until the big day, continue to cultivate purposeful conversation and new experiences with your significant other. View this period as another elevation in your relationship that can be used to draw you even closer to your spouse-to-be and your purpose as one. The date nights don’t have to stop. Be creative and enjoy each other! When you feel yourself getting sucked into the pressures of the wedding day, encourage one another to remember that a wedding is for a day, but marriage is for life.
3. Have the “money” talk: If you haven’t already, now is certainly the time to be open and honest with your significant other about your current financial situation. Begin to develop constructive money management habits that work for you both. One strategy we implemented was to create a monthly mock budget to help us see where our money would be used given our combined income (current net income, not future).
4. Be yourself: Whether you plan to marry in a courthouse or have a ceremony in a large venue, the act of lifetime commitment before The Lord is BEAUTIFUL. Embrace that, own it, and be authentically you. Remember not to compare your story to what others are doing/have done. Your story is unique in its own.
5. PROTECT YOUR PEACE: We felt this was worth mentioning again! Take some time to slow down (or pause) when necessary. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
For us, the engagement period was both a joyous and trying time – a time in which The Lord refined and polished us once more before presenting us before our loved ones as Mr. and Mrs. As we look back on that time, we realize we were doing much more than planning for a wedding… we were preparing for marriage.
As you and your spouse-to-be prepare for this new season, remember that you are running the same race – together. The time that you now have is invaluable. Cherish it. And know you are not alone! Mark 10:7-9 (NLT)
Running with you,
Khalil and Adrienne
The preceding post is the first installment of a two-part series titled, Marriage Foundations. Stay tuned for the second installment, in which we will share the importance of knowing and determining your values as a married couple!